Vajazzled

I figured if I titled this post on only one of the minor topics of this post, it'll still gain a considerable amount of attention to this blog. Attention to my blog is very amusing, a form of entertainment. I mean this with the exception of a small number of friends that read this, I'm talking about the rest of the world. Google Analytics tracks the visits and the search words people use that bring them here. I've been meaning to list them, but for several months it didn't work so I won't be able to do full justice to it. I will give mention to another blogger who is the reason I found out about Analytics in the first place. Billy at Organic Meatbag has a lot to say, and it all cracks me up. Now and then he will share the search keywords that bring people to his page, which are actually more vulgar and hilarious than mine are or will ever be. However, before I list them, I wanted to talk about vajazzling.

You're in a for a treat if you have no idea what this is. I've said the word out loud a millions times now because I keep messing it up and it also keeps making me giggle like a 8 year old. It is the temporary placement of rhinestones on the vagina, and/or above and around it. Yep, rhinestoned va jay jay. Someone is paid to do this, these 'professionals' get up in your business for some extended amount of time and use some epoxy or something to attach little crystals in whatever design of your choice, and it lasts for a week or so. Now, as horribly ridiculous as I think it is, I would totally try it. However I would do it to myself rather than paying someone. Curiosity gets the best of me. I mean, sex, going to the bathroom, being clothed, walking, showering, how the fuck does it all work and feel?! I will fuel your curiosity by not posting actual pictures [the photo here is ridiculous but it's not real vajazzling] but warning you of the horrible tackiness of what you will find on Google. Have fun!

Now that I finally got that out of my system, back to Google Analytics. Keep in mind that for several months it wasn't working for me, so there could of been more amusing things to list here. In addition, for the first year or two of having my blog I disabled search engines to link to it. To the fun, I'll name a few:

-"It's not a mustache, it's a time machine" This was a title of one of my posts, in which I was quoting a movie that I thoroughly enjoy. This is, I believe, to be the highest search keyword that brings the most visits to my page.
-"Karmaisyourgoodfriend" or "Alchemy of my mind" Obviously this is for people who didn't entirely remember the exact URL or were lazy.

-"Subconscious security" Another name of a post, about the film Inception.

-"Hokey pokey video" God, I have not a single clue why this would trace back to my blog...ohh, perhaps my mention of Jim Breuer's hokey pokey AC/DC skit. I'm glad I solved that mystery finally.

-"Love and other drugs you meet a million people" There are several variations of this search phrase but all of it is based from the film and the quotes said in it, which brings us to one of my more recent and quite beautifully stated posts. These search words have been used a lot in connection with my blog lately.

-"Dream interpretation bleeding anus" Wow, I'm sorry for this person but I'm glad I don't author a medical blog otherwise I'd really feel bad for this person. Luckily it's just a dream...but now I'm curious what an interpretation would be of that...

-"Impulsiveness where money is concerned, is not your style" I thought this was odd but then thanks to my lovely search feature it was from one of my first posts of quoting fortunes from the fortune cookies I have consumed. The interesting thing is whoever used this search phrase spent over 3 hours on my blog...perhaps it was insightful for them. High five to them!

-"Good morning I wanted to be the first person to call you a twat" I wish I could take credit for such awesomeness, but this was another titled post taken from Sleep Talkin' Man.


-"Paganism" This person or persons spent an hour on my blog so perhaps a lot of my posts on witchcraft and heresy gave them what they were looking for.

-"Projectile trauma" Ahh, one of my favorite posts teaching the glory of said topic.

-"A magic spell to seek my graduation angel" Wha..huh? Sorry to disappoint you guys. Is it me, or does that sound kind of creepy?

-"Alex Grey art" this would be referring to the multiple times I mentioned my favorite artist and definitely when I posted an essay on him for my recent Philosophy of Art class.

-"Alien vs. Chuck Norris" Hehe.

-"Anders Friden" I honestly can't say I know who this person is. However, Google is on my side, I've posted one or a few pictures of this guy, only because of his dreadlocks. Pretty dreadies.

-"Article about kosher foodon 4.13.2010" I really have nothing to say about this one.

-"attracted to coworker" Ha! Who even types that into a search engine anyways? I will say that I have posted something along this line, however it wasn't me that was attracted to a coworker, but coworkers attracted to me. What else is new?

-"Can Chuck Norris read my mind?" Yes, yes he can.

-"Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom" There are others like this, all of which I'm sure trace back to this.

-"Condom fucker trailer milton" That hurts my mind. Yes, I'm vulgar and dirty and all that good stuff but damn have some class or wit! I'm actually scared to Google that, and especially scared that such a thing brought someone to my blog. Awesome.

-"Free hug" Although this isn't a funny search phrase, this person(s) spent over 4 hours on my blog. Makes me warm inside.

-"Fy wonna wet my marent" I can only draw dirty conclusions from this one...

-"Galleria picture fuck girls" Alllrighty, that's really sweet.

-"I've been insominous all week" I'm sorry buddy.

-"John Cusack" Helll yesss! I love his films and have mentioned them various times. Particularly in my paper I posted about infidelity.

-"Long black limousine" Don't know the connection to my blog, but I would be lying if I said that didn't sound dirty to me either.  


-"Moonphase anus picture" Well, another thing I just don't quite want to look up for myself.

-"My vagina video" Well...I do talk about vaginas...but not to this extent.

-"Slay the dreamer" This may not be of particular interest in comparison to the others for you. But for me it is. The original line was "To Slay This Dreamer" taken from a song of which I titled a post after and even named a photograph after on my deviantART.

-"So they discontinued the hummer...now people have to go door to door to let them know they're assholes" I just had to post that one again, because I just absolutely love it.

-"The alchemy of wine" Mmmm. Perhaps I should write something on this.

-"The arrogant build kingdoms made" This is a lyric from an intense song of an equally intense post. I'm thoroughly glad the person who searched this spent 22 minutes reading the post. I hope it reached out to them.

-"The beauty of silence essay" This was, in fact, an essay I wrote and posted. Thank jebus this person didn't spend any time on the blog for it does worry me that someone will steal my writing. I'm glad universities are really honing in on advanced anti-plagiarism technology.

-"Way to become a better listener-blogspot" This is interesting, although they seemed to not care enough since they didn't spend anytime on the blog. I do have some fine advice for such a thing. Listen to the deaf one, she is one of the best listeners!

-"When did Sara Sidle lose her virginity to Grissom" Oh sweet C.S.I. Las Vegas. Of course this gets directed to me, for I used to be obsessed with the show. But I swear to you I've never talked about this virginity thing...I swear.

-"Where is alchemy bags moving" Huh??

-"www.jizz addiction.com" Oh well, this is probably my favorite. Yes, I have an addiction. Ha! I really got into it here, at least in the aspect of the fact that I talk about it a lot. This was a good one too.

There are several lyrics, movie and book quotes too that aren't necessary to repeat, along with other things about witchcraft, alchemy, dreams, and Scorpios. This list seems like a "Best of" except I don't feel it's the best, but apparently the most popular.

Speaking of posts, I accidentally left out something in my most previous post due to some technical editing issues, so if you would reread the post, it is completed now.

Today my dreams consisted of me being back at working at Savers...I have those semi-often. I originally wanted to write about it but this whole Analytics thing actually took up a great deal of my time, and is far more interesting.