"The Arrogant Build Kingdoms Made of the Different Ones, Breaking Them 'til They've Become Just Another Crown."

Well yesterday was definitely an emotional one. The author Kate Bornstein was a guest speaker in my Women and Social Change class. I was grateful to be able to see her speak. Everything she said was so real, she cut through all the bullshit. I love people like that. She is doing a lecture/performance tour in Tempe this week which I won't be able to attend. If you are interested in any other things about her, here is her blog.

I ended my emotional night with, well, more emotion. Prior to sleeping I decided to listen to some music on my headphones without my hearing aids. I decided to listen to the band Lifehouse, one of the original bands I used to do this whole nighttime aid-less music thing many many years ago. The song "Simon" has always had a place in my heart. In fact, I lied in one of my posts, this song is definitely a song that has guided me and has been there for me. I remember being really into Lifehouse starting at 7th grade. During that time I befriended two girls, twins that actually shared the same birthday with me, as well as my other childhood Scorpio friend. These girls preyed on me. I can't remember the situation too much but I remember crying to my mom about them. My childhood was very normal and I was quite a stable and sweet girl. The only thing that ever got to me was friends. Friends were my only problem and the only thing that so bothered my big heart. They were basically selfish and evil. And for what? I never did anything. A lot of it was that they were jealous of my normal life. I lived in my home with both of my parents. The twins lived with their mom who rarely was ever home. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me now but they took these things out on me. All the guys we hung out with loved these blondes and not me. I was an outcast in such a small group. And I still remember the horrible feelings and stress they caused me. But "Simon" only began to make me feel better and still to this day makes me cry uncontrollably. It is insanely relatable. Another reason why I enjoyed listening to Lifehouse during these nightly traditions was because I loved his voice and his love songs as well as "Simon" particularly sounded really interesting without my hearing aids on. Needless to say, I listened to the song about four times last night while thinking about the past and my life as well as the Shepard case and all the other people that have felt this very feeling...

I have added the song to the playlist and below is the lyrics with emphasis on parts that have an intense personal impact on me.

Catch your breath,
Hit the wall,
Scream out loud,
As you start to crawl
Back in your cage
The only place
Where they will
Leave you alone.
'Cause the weak will
Seek the weaker til they've broken them.
Could you get it back again?
Would it be the same?
Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense,
Left you with no defense;
They tore it down.

And I have felt the same as you,
I've felt the same as you,
I've felt the same.

Locked inside
The only place
Where you feel sheltered,
Where you feel safe.
You lost yourself
In your search to find
Something else to hide behind.

The fearful always preyed upon your confidence.
Did they see the consequence,
when they pushed you around?
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones,
Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown.

And I have felt the same as you,
I've felt the same as you,
I've felt the same.

Refuse to feel anything at all,
Refuse to slip,
Refuse to fall.
Can't be weak,
Can't stand still,
You watch your back 'cause no one will.
You don't know why they had to go this far,
Traded your worth for these scars,
For your only company.
And don't believe the lies
That they have told to you. Not one word was true
you're alright, you're alive, you're alive.

And I have felt the same as you,
I've felt the same as you,
I've felt the same.