Right Here

I have a ton of notes in an app on my phone, Keep, as mentioned here. Some I forgot about completely, most are dreams which I'll keep for another time. I captured them to write here at a later time. Here are some of them.

The first time I heard "Netflix and Chill" was on the radio. The local rock station, KUPD, was discussing one day that Netflix and chill was the new term for let's watch (or try to watch) something and have sex. This completely cracked me up. Been there, done that.

Whenever I go to work and there is a particular song playing and then I hear it again at the very end of the day on my way either to my next job or home, I feel like I have entered a cycle, a never ending cycle.

The theme seems to be radio so far....

I heard this one morning when disc jockeys were talking. "What people think of you is their business." I hope to keep this thought with me forever.

I don't remember the year that I realized that the word is supposedly, not supposedably.

I love the shadows of the trees in the wind.

I felt the earthquake. I didn't know Arizona had them.

"There is no gratitude in parenting." Said by the character Eli Pope in the show Scandal. Another reason I can't be a parent.



The first three thoughts were related to listening to the radio, which I remember vividly writing or voice typing while I was driving. It's amazing in such a little way, that now, with my hearing abilities refining and my new digital hearing aids that I actually can hear most of what people say on the radio. I never used to be able to really hear a word they said. I listen to the radio every time I drive, every car I have owned the tape or CD player either never worked or eventually broke. I never thought it was practical to get a good stereo system for two reasons. First, I'm deaf, when I can't already quite tell what quality sound is, what's the point. Second, I have always owned used cars, never expecting to own them for very long. I'm not going to spend the money for exactly these reasons. In the past I have bought adapters, which quality equally relates to price. And I'm cheap. I've also, for a short time, played music on my phone. Some day, I'll get a new car with Bluetooth. But I should also refer to a known fact, most of my provoking thoughts happen either while I'm driving or when I'm trying to sleep. Which incidentally are the very times that are hardest to jot down. I cannot tell you how many thoughts I've had that I wanted to make permanent and left my mind too soon. This blog only encompasses a fraction of my thoughts. Only a fraction! I know there is already so much that I choose not the share, but the ones that I forget, are just long forgotten. I try not to stress about it. Writing is supposed to be a cherished experience, not a chore.

About the earthquake. I remember the night well. I was up too late, it was a Sunday night, and I always have an issue getting to sleep on time and to actually sleep all through the night with Monday hovering. It was just a couple days before my birthday, I was starting to get sick. I felt two of them. I had just finally turned my lights off. As I try to sleep I feel a shudder on my floor, on my bed. It feels as if someone is in my room, in my apartment, on the second floor with me. Every now and then I feel these shudders, they used to make me utterly paranoid. Over time, I've understood it usually is large semi-trucks driving on the road just outside or occasional heavy movements from my neighbors. This exact feeling has inspired nightmares, paranoia, and fear in the past. Sometimes it feels like reminiscence of my former dog joining me on the bed, which flat out depresses me. Sometimes it feels like an intruder in my room, one I cannot hear, and then cannot see. The first shock only felt like some of the other nights. Several minutes later, the next jolt scared me. I stayed in my bed, dark room, eyes wide, I saw nothing. Tried my best to sleep, but never fully did get rest. I was able to forget about the shake, but then my sickness overtook me and I missed work most of that week. The following weekend, I saw my dad and he asked if I felt the earthquake. At first I had no idea what he was talking about. We don't get earthquakes. California does. What now? Then he started to talk more and I realized I knew exactly what he was talking about. I was shocked. I looked it up and learned that we, indeed, do get earthquakes. We, indeed, do have fault lines here in the Grand Canyon State. Well, fuck. Not thrilled about it, but I'm over it at this point.

The final note above, no gratitude in parenting... First of all, the show, Scadal, is intense as fuck. That's almost where I just want to leave it. I remember being pretty touched by this line, given the circumstances of the show at that point. Intense, still very intense. Yet, when I blog about thoughts later on, I don't feel the exact inspiration and sometimes it's just better to leave the thought alone. So I'll leave it. Right here.