The Alchemy of My Mind: A Thousand Stars

I feel a bit crushed to say that instead of packing my notebook in the wrong bag, I've discovered I didn't pack it at all for my trip back home from Arcosanti. In my previous post I briefly touched on the fact that I wrote while on my trip and I will blog from the notes soon. I have no notes, only memory. The weird thing is, I have no idea what happened to it. I have vivid images in my head where it could be, but that would mean it is still in my possession. The only thing I could imagine is that it fell off the edge of the bed and I didn't realize. The room is so small, there's just no way. I'm utterly confused, I rarely lose things because my memory and spatial memory are great and have always benefited me. However, there is one other bag in my car, I'm sure that is not there but yet feel the urge to check it.

There is an interesting sense of loss, vulnerability, relief, then mysticism with the thought of this notebook left behind. Loss and vulnerability because those exact thoughts I wrote down will not be in this blog. Vulnerability because whoever finds it will read it. Relief exists because I believe the only things written in this was about the first night of my trip and about David Bowie, and likely nothing else. Mysticism because what will the new reader do with it, think of it. feel from it. In my life I've come across notes stuck into books. I keep them for a time and then get rid of them. I'll rewrite what I remember.

I'm always in awe in the presence of more than a hundred visible stars.

I arrived to the site late, a drive that would normally be an hour and half ended up being an extra forty-five minutes longer due to traffic in Phoenix. I was unable to go on a trip during winter break, due to money. Once January arrived, I planned the trip in less than a week. It was now or for several months in the future. I chose now. However, I didn't research as much as I would normally. I didn't think about traffic on a Friday of a long weekend. I didn't pack gloves for cold weather, I forgot some things, granted not totally necessary, despite an intensive what-to-pack list. I'm always nervous driving there, wanting to be on time for dinner, an experience of Arcosanti that belongs in my top 5 favorite things. I always worry about my little car making it, the final miles of gravel and dirt roads destroying my tires. But I made it, in time for dinner, not for the sunset, but for the stars.

Once I finished dinner and drove down to my hotel, I got outside and up to the rooms, looked up. "Wow!" I said out loud. Every damn time I do. It never tires. The stars are immaculate, the Milky Way is clear as day. the moon was waxing crescent. After bringing all my luggage, I get out my cloves and pour a glass of wine and just star at the sky. As I stare, I wonder about the others that are staying there, fantasies build in my mind, but I keep to myself. Later I pour more wine and read a book in the light of the moon and the light of my room behind me. I'm reading Hector and the Search for Happiness.

My first night consisted of listening to David Bowie while coloring in an adult coloring book with Prismacolors. I watched some of Bowie's recent videos and finally listened to Lazarus. A song warning, informing, the fans of his oncoming death. I cried. I needed it. Then I listened to James Bay for the rest of the night. It gave me a nice little release that I needed. David Bowie, his death, his life, all deserve a post dedicated alone to it.

The interesting thing about my trips to Arcosanti is that I typically do the same thing every time, I have traditions, routines and yet the experience is always different. It affects me in the time of my life in a unique way. I feel sad that I never made it for the year of 2015, however I was cutting close. My last visit was for my 27th birthday, a little over a year ago. The goal is to go at least once or twice a year. Winter is the best time because there are less critters in the cold. They live around in within the hotel room. A trip in 2013 was focused on spiders and other insects. That said, this was the most comfortable I felt in my room, I hardly saw a fly. I don't mind bugs, but in the past I've been afraid of them crawling on me and biting me in my sleep. Yet that never happens. I splayed my stuff all over the bed and floor with no fear.

Two of the biggest differences of this trip reside in the shared bathroom and lack of a sunset tradition. Weather and season is everything here. It's a really cheap stay the rooms for one to two people are well under fifty bucks a night. I usually get a shared bathroom for a cheaper rate and rarely have to share it. However I was actually sharing a bathroom with my two male neighbors. This is always a problem for my irritable bowel with my high intake of wine while there. That said, it wasn't too bad at all. Second, I missed out on my sunset tradition both nights that I stayed. The first night, I was late. The second night, it was dark before dinner started. I usually hike up to a particular cliff edge spot before dinner with a water bottle filled of wine and watch the sun set, before heading to the cafe for dinner time. Because it was winter, the sun sets early and there just wasn't time for me. Although I did get a snapshot of the sky as I hiked up to the cafe. The sky was glowing pink and magenta. A phone camera will never capture the beauty here. Again, there are pros and cons to coming in each season. When it is hot, it is hard to cool down, and there are many creatures out and about. The hotel rooms are merely greenhouses, concrete rooms with no air conditioning or heat. They always provide a fan or a space heater depending on the weather. The fan helps, but it is so warm between the weather and the hiking. When it is cold, you can warm up with layers, wine, hiking, and the space heater just fine. During winter, you miss the creatures, but you also may miss the sunset. I was fortunate though, for the sky cleared when I arrived and the second night was nothing but clouds. Another difference was the view. From my room, which is a big window, I can look out to a gorgeous and gigantic tree, which my ex-boyfriend named the Finn Tree (or as I like to think of as The Fountain tree). Near it was a lake that was never there before. The recent Arizona rains had overflowed the area where now hundreds of ducks frolic about. It was a wonderful sight.

Every time I go, I am overwhelmed with the amount of media I bring. What do I do now? What do I do next? The only thing that keeps me grounded is the set times for meals. I always bring my laptop, sketchbook, notebook, music, books, and movies. This time, WiFi was extremely limited, as was my phone service, which I always somewhat expect. I only wrote, read, listened, and colored. I always overpack in that area. But the glory is the sense of overwhelming in only that sense. I don't think about my life, my job, my stresses, I just enjoy the nature and the creativity before me. It is a welcomed and simple break.

While my intentions there are always to be to my lonesome, the people there are kind and unique. I don't go there to be social, but there are people that recognize me. People that have been there in my last several visits if not all of them. The ones that work there are just so friendly and welcoming. Not to mention that I always fantasize about at least one other individual that catches my attention. It's merely another form of my creativity, granted, a strong one.

A thing I did realize about this particular trip was my excitement for the plans on the way back into town. Occasionally I'll stop by the outlet mall in Anthem, and I almost always stop my favorite Mexican restaurant that only has locations in Peoria and Glendale, Caramba. This time, I stopped by the mall, the restaurant, and a few other stores before arriving home to my cute new guinea pig. Don't worry, I arranged for a friend to stop by and check on him and feed him while I was gone.

Below are some of the pictures I took, unedited.