Let's see if I can draft this post in an orderly fashion, thus, as always, bear with me.
As the background story serves you, I've been obsessed with mind reading since I was a kid. I realize after rereading that post, that if a psychologist were to know of these things maybe he/she would say something about my obsession with caring what people think about me. Perhaps the psychologist in myself is right to some extent. But not how you would immediately assume. Let me clarify that and then move on.
I may not entirely care about what people think in terms of what people would usually think of that statement. But I care about perception. Nothing bothers me more than being misinterpreted. However, I realize more as the days go by that I am often misinterpreted. Not a single soul knows me utterly that well. I know one person that ranks pretty damn close, and she's someone I can't quite hide from. This isn't necessarily the point, but I am saying that I don't like being thought of as something that I am not. And minor impressions can only say so much and I don't feel like I'm a simple enough person that can be justified in a simple interaction/impression. There's so much more to me.
Moreover, although I don't want to be misinterpreted, I also don't want to be opened up for all to see. I mentioned I want to be an open book, and that I enjoy that. But that's not totally true. I actually don't like being dissected. I used to think I wanted it but I didn't realize how complex I am [and I still am learning that]. I enjoy every minuscule and seemingly trivial incidence in which a friend or partner can predict my next move or know exactly why I did something I did. That comfort, the mere fact that they have cared to know me, cared to listen to me, care to observe me, and have inputted it all into their minds and hearts and can make a correct output, it all warms my heart to the point of tears. The worst part about this is that I'm usually so overwhelmed by these feelings, of love, that I sometimes don't get a chance to point it out to them. To thank them. These are moments in friendships that I really cherish. Because underneath all those misinterpretations, there are these precious moments that come and go, but with a lasting impact.
But why I don't want to be an open book? Well I'm only going to continue to be a closed book by answering that question elusively. I'm going to attempt a metaphor that I have not entirely thought through, but comes to mind. I also may not speak for everyone, but generally people are most fascinated by the things they are most afraid of. This can apply to any aspect of life. I'd give a perfect example of my own, but that's definitely where I draw the line. But another example that I can give and that is relevant is mind reading. I may have said, and still would like people to love me for all of me, that could see through the morbidity, immaturity, hostility, and lust that could periodically come through my mind [as they do anyone else's]. That could possibly be impossible, however. But, my point is, I feel an overwhelmingly amount of relief that people can't read my mind. It's quite perhaps actually the last thing I'd want to happen to me. Which results in it being the first thing I wish to do to others. Fascinating isn't it. Maybe I want that power.
Power aside, there are many reasons, practical even, of wanting to master telepathy. There's a level of safety that can be acquired by reading the minds of those around you. I would know what was thought to happen prior to it happening. Whether it be on an individual attack on me, or a on a larger scale. However I don't really want to get into the super-hero-world-saving tangent, that's not what this post is about. I'm focusing on me personally, as if I still went about the world as the civilian that I am. I could have the capacity to do things for people around me, without them asking. I could please people. However, I wouldn't necessarily abuse this power, but am merely mentioning the ability. I could also erase all deception, for oh I hate deception. Although I realize this would make me hate people more because I will now be able to gauge the severity of deception. As I said, I know the world will seem more of a horrible place to me, but I think I would feel unworldly rewarded whenever I do come across a pure individual...or at least an honest and good one...or just a little better than the rest.
There is a bigger reason I want this. Or a couple. I am utterly, absolutely, positively, unconditionally, genuinely, and irrevocably fascinated by the minds of others. I want to dig in. I want to dive in. I want to know. I want to learn. I want... To experience. To feel. Them. All of them.
I want to read people beyond what I already do. Perhaps I want to be one with them. This is where my optimism shines through. Perhaps I want to emphasize with them. Bring them together. Bring them to understanding. It's one step towards getting vulnerabilities out there and allowing us to realize that in a way we are all the same. And we can help.
To be quite honest, this isn't where I thought this post would end up. Often when I write these deep kinds of post, it's a form of therapy, a form of processing, and expression. As I start to get out the thoughts that I knew I had, ones that I didn't know I had start to surface. That is essentially why Alchemy exists. And I always feel better because of it.
Of course, there's a not so positive or optimistic use for this power. One I will not bother to deny. As I confided that I would never want someone to read my mind, that goes on to show that I find that a severe breech of my privacy. My being able to read the minds of others would be no different. I would know peoples deepest and darkest secrets. I could also potentially use those secrets against them. I don't want to discuss the evils of possible telepathy, for I'm not quite an evil person but I won't deny that I would find pleasure in invading the privacy of others [pleasure may not be the proper word here]. In my daily life, I actually am very respectable of people's privacy, directly because of the fact that I want that for myself. I, no doubt, have many privileges with the people I know [and even don't know well] who trust me to ridiculous degrees. It's a Scorpio trait I live up to and enjoy. People trust me quickly and confide in me often and usually more easily than they ever have to anyone else. It's always been this way for me. It is not because I want to seek this information to use against them. But as I've said already, I'm immensely fascinated. I also wish for those around me to be their most comfortable because I want just the same for myself. I ultimately want to provide understanding. Because, as mentioned, on some levels, we're all the same.
There are other little fantasies much like those mentioned in the first link provided in this post, of mind readings. Little thoughts in my head that occur in certain situations where I think and/or fear someone of some sort is reading my mind. It's odd and I know it's not true but perhaps there is something that makes me wish it were. I'm not going to bother to figure that out, not yet.
As a conclusion of some sort, this post and along with other thoughts that may not have surfaced my mind yet enforces the idea that telepathy would be one of the most complex super powers there is. There are so many pros and cons to this. There aren't many cons for other powers, which makes a lot of people puzzled when I say that is my power of choice. I'm not thinking into this too much, but "powers" are generally to help the others, with hopefully just as positive results/experiences for the holder of this power. Telepathy, on the other hand, can be detrimental to anyone involved, and most especially the person with the power. Obviously that depends what the person uses it for, how they cope, their worldviews, etc. But I think it can be something that you can get equally bad and good results from. So...a complex power for a complex person. I'll choose it.
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