5.27.2018

Progression

In my last post I talked about getting back into dating, online dating to be exact. A week after my first date I was reminded that dating just can't be that easy. The guy that I went on a date with expressed that he has some depression and wasn't ready for a romantic relationship. Over text he did this and did not respond to anything I said back. I don't doubt his feelings and some of his honesty, but I interpreted and feared despite our conversations that he may have only been in it for sex. Thankfully I did exercise my self control and I did not sleep with him. I'm pretty depressed about the whole thing, but decided the next day to just move forward, being proactive. In the last week I have been messaging someone else and just looking for interesting people. Haven't made any progress yet in meeting anyone, but eventually I plan to go on some more dates.

I did get to see my mom today after she had to reschedule a couple of times. My brother wanted to seek mental help, he came up with it on his own but there is the expected road block. He still has no insurance and cannot get state health insurance. Some people in his life encouraged him to "get his mind straight" first by going to meetings. This is something, I agree, but he still needs medical help for sure. He has become more hopeful according to my mom. He has been going to meetings and hopefully sticks with it.

Work has been slowing down for the summer, but has been generally going well so far. I have great news too. I will be going to Mexico for a 4 day vacation with a coworker. She initially planned to go with family but they bailed and now I'm joining her instead. Up to two other people that I work with may go as well. The trip is next month. I still have a valid passport and it has been 8 years since I have been to Rocky Point and I miss it so dearly. My mom and I have been planning a trip to Tennessee in August. I also recently bought two concert tickets for the fall. I will see Awolnation in August and Nine Inch Nails in September. I'm super thrilled about it too.

I went to my favorite hookah lounge last night, which is a place that I usually go to relax, read, and write. Last night was the last day until the hookah lounge was to close. I almost talked myself out of going but in the end decided to. I'm grateful I went because I had no idea they were closing. It was bittersweet. So now, I'm at another hookah lounge that I've been to a few times a few years ago. I think it just might be my new go-to hookah lounge.

A couple weeks ago I decided to read some of the erotica that I had written in 2015. I spent hours being completely engrossed in it, losing all track of time. I had forgotten most of what I wrote, making it feel like the first time I was reading it. I didn't realize so much time has passed since I started writing it. It was really good, I turned myself on, so I must be doing something right! Trying to work on getting back into that mental state to write some more. Which is exciting!

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