The Art of Emotions

I made another minor update to the Lover's List. It's been awhile. Remember, you only have to read the very bottom of the post.

I will discuss one of the few notes on my phone that have accumulated over the past month or so.

It is astounding how drastically, instantly, and intensely one's moods can change. As human beings, our emotions, if we appreciate their existence, are this big boiling force that overcomes us. That on its own is amazing.

Dealing with your own emotions can be a chore alone, and dealing with another's is simply intense. For me, particularly, someone else's emotions can range from being equivalent to my own or more. The changing of these emotions and moods can have a whiplash effect on yourself and those around you. How we cope with that is also interesting. Obviously, the level of intensity in which I feel other's moods results in my ability to mask my moods or reduce them somewhat. There are so many reasons, known and unknown, to why I choose to not "put my emotions" on others. There are instances, when I'm around people that know me very well that can sense there is something off in me. Which usually a subconscious and conscious decision on my part. Like a subtle hint to them, rather than an overwhelming one.

I could go on all day long about the varying situations of my empathizing and feeling someone, how I cope with it internally, and how it is shown externally. Often these things I do are misinterpreted, and leave me little room to process and explain.

When it comes to the purpose of changing one's mood is another subject. I naturally do this to everyone around me. I've finally come to the clear conclusion that I radiate this optimism that elevates those around me. Very rarely am I the opposite. When I'm around people that I choose to be around, I feed off them and apparently they feed off of me. I feed off them in the sense that these are the interactions I want. I could easily work isolated, deal with machines, anything non-human than a stranger full of small talk and egotism. But when it comes to people I know, with varying likeness that I have for them, I want to be around them as much as I can. My best friends, especially, are the ones I can't seem to ever leave. I often wish that sleep wasn't an option. This is where I have an addictive personality, or my obsession, people. People, people, people. I have such a contradicting view of the masses. I hate them and I very much love them. They are evil yet pure.
Before my tangent stretches too far, I want to get back to my effect on others. Countless times I have been told that my presence simply makes a person happy. I'm that ray of sunshine, that rainbow in their sky. It finally got to the point that I've been told it a number of times and realized the trend. Moreover, I always make people laugh. Generally with my retarded little quirks, my own smile and laughter, and/or my never-ending dirty jokes. All this occurs in many different environments and to different types of people in my life. There's the bar that I go to, where everyone wants to talk to me and is always so enthusiastic about my presence. There's my close friends that always laugh their asses off at my jokes and say "I miss you" or "I love you" after they finally catch their breath. There's couples who tell me I should cheer up their spouse/partner which I do effortlessly anyways. Often I'm oblivious to my effect on people, I really ought to give myself some credit. This is my attempt. I'm also sure that the people who I spoke of would do better justice of explaining all this, but that's what I got.

Changing my mood, on the other hand, is a different thing. I don't particularly like it. At least I didn't before. I guess you could call me a "dweller". But I'm the type of person, as you may notice, who appreciates and wants to experience the range of emotions regardless of how bad or good they are. It's part of the experience of life, and I am and will be eternally grateful for the lessons and inspirations those feelings gave me. When I was younger, especially, if  I was in a more negative mood, I did not like people's attempt to cheer me up. I could see through it and just didn't like it. It was rather hard to change my mood and it's even more difficult, even now, to change it drastically. It's a gradual thing, but that feeling is still there somewhere. As a Scorpio, we're already good at masking these things that are "boiling underneath." I'm not exactly private about my emotions, but I am highly selective in whom I share them with. As time passed, I'm currently more in the state of seeking people to change my moods. Or more so to distract me, because no matter what, those moods will stick with me. A situation has not been solved, no resolution, not yet.


“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.” -Albert Einstein