Overdue

I took this week off from work for a vacation, I went to Arcosanti, my annual vacation spot, for 3 nights earlier this week. Before I post about my recent trip, I am long overdue for a post I meant to write after my last visit in January of 2016. I discussed my last trip here and talked about my notebook went missing, where I wrote about my trip and specifically about my processing of David Bowie's death on that trip. Here, I write about that I discovered that notebook was never missing. I said I would go back and blog my notes but I never did, so I will now. I will also add more to whatever I forgot to write about in those previous post. Because so much time has passed, it may not be as thorough as I had originally planned or may even be repetitive, but I at least want to get whatever was on paper on here.

It always takes away my breath, being in the presence of more than 100 visible stars.
Every time I know I get to see it, but nothing ever prepares me for that initial moment. No matter if I had that moment countless times before. It is always as mesmerizing as the preceding and the proceeding.

I love documenting these trips. I have routines or traditions ever time I come and I hardly stray from them but yet the experience is never exactly the same.

Later my first night I listened to David Bowie and James Bay, amongst others. I finally heard "Lazarus" and watched the video. All this bought me to tears and gave me a release I likely have been needing.

There is always something about being here. The simplicity and the pure darkness outside that allows me to go to bed relatively early, even if I plan to stay up late. And again, I generally wake up early when I want to sleep in. However, it all works out, for I don't want to waste my time here sleeping.

David Bowie had only died a few days before this trip.

I am writing this not to express a personal connection to a famous death, but to write about the man and my experience and feelings for him. Writing helps me express something I don't always realize is there. This is my honor.

The movie The Labyrinth, was a film I watched over and over with my brother all throughout my childhood. We watched it so much that we actually didn't know the name, or couldn't pronounce it, we always referred to it as The Blue Monster Movie. The blue hands in the well/hole are what we were thinking of when we called it that. I was so young when I watched this movie, but I distinctively remember having a crush on David Bowie, he was definitely my very first crush as far as memory goes. I didn't even really know who he was, didn't know he was a singer, I just knew him as the Goblin King, and I loved his face and his voice. Definitely my earliest memory of what was "sexy". He was the first to ever give me "feelings" and I felt weird about them. Oh youthful innocence!

His voice. This echoing sexy voice. Due to Labyrinth, I realized I'm very drawn to voices like that. I actually hate musicals or movies with a lot of singing, it makes me cringe most of the time, makes me uncomfortable. But I only now realized that I love every damn song in Labyrinth. Which is rare. When "As The World Falls Down" plays, that is probably my favorite scene, however my favorite song has got to be "Within You". Unfortunately it is one of the shortest songs. His voice gives me an internal craving, it makes me want something, to reach out for it. It vibrates throughout my entire body.

There are some songs I enjoy of Bowie, however I sadly and ashamedly have not purchased any of his albums. The closest I got was a downloaded live CD of Nine Inch Nails and David Bowie, although I have a few others that I downloaded but forgot about until now. I have enjoyed his acting roles aside from Labyrinth, particularly when he played Tesla in The Prestige. The point, however, is that I regret not being a more active fan while he was alive. I have not quite felt this before for a singer. The pain is that he no longer is going to be around. The art stops.

There have been some deaths that have not exactly bothered me. But I do feel very melancholic about this.

During the same time Alan Rickman also died. I am a fan of his as well, and almost in the same way but not as intensive as with Bowie. Alan was not particularly a definition of sexy physically, but he was well known for his voice which I loved. His voice and the way he moved his eyes, his lips, were very sexy to me. I really enjoyed him in the films that I did see. One role that actually really made me notice him was in Dogma. I'm not sure if that was the first film of his I had ever seen, but that is definitely when I really took notice of him. I was a teenager then and crushed on him as well.

That was all that I wrote but I knew I gave myself space to add more that I never did get around to. I listened to James Bay on repeat most of that night and just thought about Bowie and cried my heart out. Just the fact that Bowie made a song, an album about his death, really touched me. The "Lazarus" video is very touching, to say the least. The Labyrinth is one of the most prevalent films in my life, something that comes up in mind often. It will always be one of my favorites.