Response Arousal

If someone is attracted to me, it makes me feel sexy, from that I feel sexual, and then I just feel horny.

If someone finds something sexy, or responds to something sexual, I then am turned on by that response. I may not even be into that person, but if they respond to me or show signs of being attracted to me, I will be turned on by that and usually that alone. If it is a concept, fetish, or what not that turns people on, and even if I'm not particularly into that act, I will still be turned on. It is the response. This can also be very difficult when it involves a person in my life, I have a very hard time distinguishing if I am responding to their response or if I actually have feelings for them. I have to actively separate my feelings from the act or response from my feelings for the person if there is any at all. This is a struggle I have had since I was young. I used to have so called feelings for people just because they liked me. As I got older I recognized that it wasn't the person but their response to me. It still happens to me to this day but I generally don't act on it. I have a better time really analyzing what I think of that individual, but I'm selective which makes it harder to like anyone romantically.

On the other hand, my mind can do whatever it may please and I will generally fantasize about anyone with a response to me or that I feel attracted to. And these fantasies, as expected, are wildly unrealistic and only pertain to my own fetishes. This thought process becomes so strong that I create a person that is exactly into my tastes when most of the time they may not even remotely be into those acts. I then have to remind myself of reality when necessary, but it almost makes it depressing as it is hard to find people in the general vicinity of your life that is sexually up to par to yourself.


The bottom line of this post is how strong reactions and human responses are to me. I feel them enter and permeate me, but can easily lose touch with reality when it pertains to myself and my own motives.