The flaming third eyes I have are several meanings bunched up into one design: favorite artist, favorite band, colors of the rainbow, the eye, the flame, third eye, etc. The burning books are a tribute to Fahrenheit 451. The individual reasons are there, but collectively, what is it? I've been trying to think about it lately since a few strangers have brought my attention to it.
I can't give a straight answer but some things come to mind.
Growing up I spent a lot of time camping with my family, almost all camping trips involved a campfire, a time I look back on fondly. I love watching fire, it is one of the most naturally and unnaturally beautiful things in existence, right up there with sunsets, sunrises, and the ocean in my opinion. I could watch it for days. I love the smell, the colors. Even small flames capture my attention. I will say though, I am definitely not a pyromaniac, I do not enjoy playing with fire, in fact I fear it. Which definitely adds to its intrigue for me. I did a search on this blog for the keyword "fire" just to see what I write about it. I've often wrote about hanging out with friends around the fire, the fire inside me, wildfires, and dreams and desires of burning things. For that last thought, I refer to literal dreams, night dreams and nightmares about fires. I've had quite a few, even recently. As for the desire to burn things, that's usually about places or objects of which I find worthless and pieces of shit that deserve to burn. I also love the color red, something that is often associated with fire. Moreover. as a teenager my dream vehicle was a Chevy Silveraldo, painted with flames. For a time, I even wanted flame tattoos on my wrists like Chester Bennington. I owned belts, clothing, boots, and bed comforters designed in flames. I even painted my bedroom in flames, which I never finished.
As a Scorpio, I am a water sign, and I feel at one with water and I could write about water with just as much passion as I could about fire [and I have as seen here]. I am also an Aries moon sign, which is how I process things internally. I process with fire and passion. Everything hits me, burns me, boils me, and the water part of me cools me and covers me, which is why very few can tell if anything is wrong with me. I work very hard to keep that fire contained, except for anger in these last several years, it is becoming much harder and harder to contain. I absolutely associate myself with both fire and water simultaneously.
Wildfires are extremely depressing and scary, but just as astonishing to watch unfold. I am intrigued by natural disasters, and in some morbid sense, want the world to be overcome by them, which it will surely. Even the destruction and aftermath of a fire is gorgeous. All that black. I recently learned that arsonist often remain at the site of the crime to watch it all go down, they are even sexually attracted to the fire. This fascinates me deeply, mostly because I never knew that, but also because I am not surprised. I love watching crime shows and learning about the process of how fire marshals determine causes and sources of fires. Again, I do not want to play with fire or be a part of that kind of destruction, but I do want to learn more about it. I have a deep respect for firemen.
My favorite book, Fahrenheit 451, talks about book burning. Which reminds me that I have burned a bible once when I was younger, probably the only time I played with fire. It was immature, yes, but fun. Anyways, the concept of book burning is such a deep one, almost a sort of sacred act in any which way it is meant to be. It is has this deeper meaning of destruction that ties to culture that can be so hurtful and ultimate. Flag burning doesn't bother me, I could care less, but book burning does. It is offensive to me. But this post is not about books, it is about fire. Perhaps it is the destruction that essentially intrigues me...I'm writing this in a very stream of conscious manner. So this brings up my fear of fire. Fire is very hard to contain once enormous enough. Any little thing can set it off, make it worse and you're done for. One of my biggest fears as a kid was if a fire started in the house while I was sleeping and I wouldn't be able to hear it. In my mind I always planned what I would do, open my window and get the fuck out. But the idea that my things would burn up, my house, even my pets, scared the wits out of me. I never even lit and kept candles in my room until I moved out on my own. Even now I'm extremely careful and never let them burn for too long.
I love burn scars, I like the look and feel of them. Keep in mind I have a heart and feel for the burn victim, but I say this as that burn scars do not scare me away from people as it commonly does. I still see the individual behind the scars, but I also embrace their scars. I had a boyfriend a long time ago who had scars on both of his arms and his chest from a stupid accident. I've also had a few friends with similar scars, who let me touch them whenever I feel like it. I do think that death by fire would be one of the top worst ways to die, it is hard for me to even try to imagine what that would feel like.
Now finally in my ramble of fire, I shall get to the main heart of it. The fuel, the fire, the passion inside me. I often use those words to describe various interests and emotions I feel. I love the metaphors, the descriptors, the similes, regarding fire as a feeling within. It is a natural feeling I have. When I read on old blog posts that make me inspired or sad, I feel the blood flooding me, I feel the boil, the warmth as it fills and shakes me. I feel hot blooded so often, not just due to emotions but due to my physical body itself. I run very warm, many people who touch me notice it. I am my own furnace. I have a warm heart, in more ways than one.
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