Accumulated Thoughts

It's easier to like kids individually rather than as a group.

I don't quite feel like a dreadhead. It's just another hair change, but one that I still love more than having undreaded hair.

I often wonder what my limits are sexually. Could I do open relationships, could I be in a relationship with another couple, could I find a friend with benefits and it work successfully, are there things I will try that I will love but had no idea, am I really gay or pansexual? I don't know til I try. I'm not curious, I'm serious and deeply want to find something that is right or best for me. I'm more open to any of it than I ever have been. However I'm insanely picky about who I want to involve myself with. I've learned from my past and I need to date people that fit my criteria now. I want a true connection and I don't care what body parts are involved. I started reading Sex at Dawn. I will do no justice of explaining it so you'll have to find out for yourself. This is all something I have been thinking about often. I am not yet ready to discuss everything but I will say that I've made a pact with myself of a couple things that I definitely need in terms of my criteria. I will no longer date people I don't really find physically attractive. I'm nearly notorious for this. I also can no longer date someone who won't allow me to be my full sexual self and will be completely open to exploring with me.

I realized that I come into conversations that I feel I'm almost "forced" to be a part of. I've become less and less tolerant of being a part of a social group or conversation with one person that I don't like, respect, or cannot connect with. I'm good about being selective and eventually turn off if it is something I don't want to be a part of. I find myself conversing with some coworkers or clients and realizing aspects of that person's personality that I don't respect or what to associate with. I understand this is a common thing, but I'm aiming for something a little bit specific although I can't quite put my finger on it. The best way I can explain is that I feel like I'm observing more and am quick to figure some things out about people. My ability to read and see or acquire insights of others is evolving. One of my current pet peeves is having to repeat myself several times. Not the type of repeating because someone didn't hear me, but because they don't fucking get what I'm saying, not listening, and feel the need to keep talking about the same thing over and over and over and over. It's basic simple things, I said my piece, which usually is a fact to answer their specific question. It doesn't get in their heads. This tends to happen more with women and I'm getting more and more annoyed. It makes me realize how logical I can be. There's tons anthropological discussions and literature about the conversation styles between the sexes and at times I have the female style but when the male style comes out, it almost surprises me. But overall is a good thing in terms of the self realization but not so good when the person I'm talking to is annoying me. Let's move the fuck on!

I've always like staring at the sun.

I'm becoming less tolerant of attitudes coming from children.

I've noticed that I no longer carry as much stress and tension in my shoulders/back. It's in my right foot. I find my toes on that foot tensing and curling so often throughout the day that I have to deliberately stop myself, only for it to start up again. It's very strange.

End of random notes for now.