The Fray gets to me sometimes. If not always.
Yes. Every damn time.
Tonight is hard. Only in the last couple hours, actually. My brother's overdose resurfaces in spurts at random times. And I can cry, cry, cry. That's what's happening.
"You Found Me" by The Fray, well, I've always loved it. There's something raw and emotional about the lyrics. I've always liked it, and maybe in the past it reminded me of something but tonight as I nearly arrive home from a long drive the song comes on. For whatever reason this song really applied to the whole overdose. The fact that I found him lying on the floor. Lost and insecure....
I left a note about dedicating that song to him on his bed tonight. I stood there for a moment, realizing that the floor below me was where I found him. This house will forever be tainted with that memory, that night, that dread.
Where were you when everything was falling apart...
It's probably the most bizarre thought that you have saved a life. Prevented a death by only a small fraction of time. That a person's life continues because of the course of actions you took. I still can't process it. Not at all.
It's easy to say he's here now because of me, but to believe it is a whole other thing.
But I'm sure fucking glad it happened. I'd even risk my own life for it. Without a damn doubt.
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
It still kills me. The images, the remembrance. How does a person go through such a thing. When everything is done and better, that memory, that action is still there. It still happened. It still existed. Those emotions, those sights, those words, those tears, they all occurred and still live inside of you. Every now and then they come up and speak again. The tears fall. And fall. And fall.
They'll never stop falling, til the day I die.
And I still don't have a photo of us now where he is sober.
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