To Save a Life

I had one of the most unpleasant dreams I've had in a while. I have to write it down because it was so long, it just stretched, and stretched. But as bad as it was, it was a different bad compared to the many other bad dreams I've had. The effect on me is different, and hard to name at this point.

I was in what is supposed to be my home. I lived with my dad and I believe him and I were the only people at the house at the time. I think he was doing some work. I was in a kitchen area pouring myself a glass of red wine. I stepped away from the kitchen, and in this very open house that was lined with swaying doors. [And well lit with a particular color]. I saw something in the distance, past a couple doors. I saw a red liquid gushing and creating a large puddle on the ground. It looked like wine at first. But something told me it wasn't. I ran through the doors, put down my drink, as I simultaneously noticed my fathers head being the source of all that gushing liquid. He was lying flat on the ground. His head has opened on the ground. He was dying.

My instant reaction was to go get my aunt who lived very close. It would be the fastest help I could get. This is my mother's sister, and she's got some good medical knowledge and is good under stressful situations. As I'm running out of the house, my body loses it's cooperation with me. I'm running with all that my mind can force my body. My body's weight is increasing and slowing time. But I keep going. This went on for a long time. And I didn't turn back. I kept going. All the while, the thoughts in my mind...

I kept thinking that this was the time. I wouldn't of had my chance to say the things I wanted to say to him. How much I love him, oh how much. And I didn't want him to die alone. I wanted to be there with him. I wanted this stupid slow motion to at least allow me to be back with him in his last moments. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in dream life. It was paralyzing. But I kept pushing.

I finally made it to my aunt's house. I found out that they had already knew about my dad and that he was ok. He did not die. Within all that time that I was trying to run, someone had come home and got him help. I remember finding out that information spaced between a few individuals that were in my aunt's house [perhaps other family members of mine] and finally I aggressively asked, "So he's alive?!" Yes, yes, he was alive.

After that, the thoughts that went through my mind were, now, now is the time to tell him all those things.


And these are thoughts that go through my mind almost every day. I'm scared.

My worsts dreams these days are those when my dad dies or gets severely injured. I remember this one still.

I woke up in the middle of this morning from this. I briefly replayed it in my head so I wouldn't forget. Now that I'm fully awake, I've definitely not forgotten it. On top of that I had another dream or a connected dream that involved another not so pleasant, but brief, scene. I'm starting to really think it was a connected dream, the same, because of the house and my family members are still in this. I was in the kitchen with my aunt, and she pointed out the discovery that my mother is still drinking. There was an empty champagne bottle and an empty glass just near it. None of us drank it. This crushed me. My mom has supposedly been sober for a handful of months now and...

So these two dreams were definitely not the best. But I do see why I had them.

Last night I saw an independent film, Beginners. Which, not surprisingly, involves the death of the main character's father. This isn't necessarily why I had the dream, but it only enhanced those feelings and worries in my own mind. I've also noticed a theme of the many films and episodes I've watched lately that emphasize making the choices while you have them, to make the most of life, and to tell them before they die.

I have to do something.

And my attempts are just as slow motion as my attempt to run and get help to save my dad.

I've had some occasional dreams where the same slow motion happens. It's one of the most draining elements of a dream. And I'm definitely not fond of it.

All the helplessness...it's one of the worst feelings to have.


To dream that you are moving in slow motion, suggests that you are feeling powerless, anxious or frustrated. You are currently going through a hard time in your waking life and experiencing tremendous stress, which is almost immobilizing you.