Life is But A Dream

This morning, I woke up in tears from a dream for the second or third time in my entire life. I really only remember one other time so this may have been only the second. The first, which I surprisingly have not written down here, involved my father and occurred the morning of my 19th birthday. I was sleeping at the house of my boyfriend's from that time. I dreamt that my dad and I were walking in the street outside of my grandmother's house. We stopped walking and he had told me that all the papers are in the safe. He was implying something that he has done in real life, that all our important documents are in our safe. He was dying. And as we started to walk again I woke up crying. Later on in the morning I checked my phone and I had a voicemail. It was my dad singing happy birthday to me. I cried again.

This time, it involved Sparky.

I slept over my boyfriend's house but I woke up in the middle of the night and had a hard time going back to sleep. But when I finally did fall asleep the dream was setting while I was at home in my own bed, sleeping and dreaming within the dream. A cute girl was in my bed with me. She had some dark make up on and black clothes and may have had some facial piercings. I was naked and awkwardly wrapped in some blankets [as I actually was in real life, hence why this dream seemed so fucking real to me]. The girl and I were talking about something. But things got sexual [this being the second lesbian sexual dream I've had within the past week. I will talk about the other dream later on]. Since I was dreaming in this dream about being with her I was wondering if an outsider could see my body twitching or moving at all. At one point the girl said something to me, about Jacob from the Twilight series, she compared me to him and that's why she liked me so much. While I'm laughing I tell her that's actually the second time I've been compared to him and at that moment her tongue looked black...like she dyed it black and it wasn't out of the ordinary at all [and no, her tongue had nothing to do with any sexual activity in the dream]. She then told me I was about to wake up and that I'm sliding off the bed and to turn down my alarm. So I awoke from that dream within my dream by my dad who was helping me on the bed since I was actually sliding and he said something to me but I couldn't hear him since I didn't have my hearing aids in but I assumed it was something about the alarm like the girl said. I turned to look around my room, which looked identical except for furniture and decor...

I rolled back over and went back to sleep and had yet another dream within the dream. I woke up in the dream, thinking I was really awake mind you [as I did with every awakening]. And I got up from my bed and saw two of my dogs, one I didn't pay much attention to, but the other I did. Sparky was there, young, alert, and fucking happy to see me. I was in utter shock. I was well aware that Sparky had died, but something tells me in this dream he died rather more recently than in reality. I was so happy to see him, he jumped up in my arms and I inhaled his scent as well as I could...he smelled warm but not fully like he actually did. But it was something. I may have saw my brother at some point who didn't acknowledge what was going on, but I woke up from that...back to my bed.

I felt sad that it was only a dream to see Sparky. I was still so tired and it was later in the morning but I couldn't figure out how to work all these alarm clocks scattered in my room and I didn't want to be late for work later in the afternoon. But then I saw Sparky again, and all I could do was cry and love him. I was crying harder than I ever had in my life...it's actually influencing my real moods so much at the moment. I made my way through the hallway and towards my living room where my brother was. I was on my knees and petting Sparky, sobbing. I look to my brother...the terrible sadness and intensity of the sobbing makes it nearly impossible to speak. I tried so hard, with many pauses to ask my brother "Do you see anything here?" as I pointed to the general area where Sparky was. He said he saw nothing. I started to cry even harder. I felt I finally lost my sanity. As I started to dread whatever was going on with me, everything from Sparky and beyond, with the exception of my brother and the area he sat in, turned black and white. Then I awoke again, back to my bed.

I realized that it was a dream, yet again, and started to cry just as hard. Then I saw this brown dog sitting by my bed. It resembled Sparky but as I got closer he was a darker shade of brown, very young, and had differing facial features. My cousin then walked to the end of the hallway by my and my father's bedroom doorways. I stopped him and asked him if he could see the dog. He didn't.

Then I finally really woke up. On the bed of my boyfriend's room. 6:34am. Completely relieved yet completely sad. Tears surfaced and I told him that I just had a horrible dream since he was awake. He has actually woken me up from two bad dreams recently without knowing I was having them, which I welcomed. The great intensity of the sadness from the dream enveloped me. I didn't want to think much about it but I didn't want to forget it either. I felt so exhausted from the sadness that I really didn't cry as much as I would have. I tried to go back to sleep but realized more and more how intense of a dream it was. Never had I had such a goddamn spiral of loss of reality within dreams and dreams and dreams...



The main reason I had that dream was when I was awake right before, I went to get some water and no dogs were around to follow me and it made me sad and further made me miss Sparky. My boyfriend has two dogs that freakishly remind me of my dog(s), Sparky and Roxy. But they recently have been spending every other week at a different location and it makes me miss them since I have grown quite attached to them. Being around them and not both make me miss Sparky and I just verbalized it to my boyfriend that I really still miss him.

And to the technical things.....As I've said, this is one of the most intensely sad dreams I've ever had. The dreams within dreams within dreams was ridiculous, I've had one maybe two like that but no more than a dream or two within a dream.
To dream that you are dreaming, signifies your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through.

The transition to black and white is very interesting. I don't think I have ever had that happened and be so aware of it and aware of it as the person in the dream and not as the dreamer.
To dream in black and white, suggests that you need to be more objective in formulating your decisions. You may be a little too unyielding in your thought process and thus need to find some sort of balance between two opposing views. Consider the views and opinions of others. Alternatively, black and white dreams is a sign of depression or sadness. You may feel that there is not enough excitement in your life.

Dreaming of the dead is obvious, but this is interesting nonetheless.
To see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd. This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes material loss. If you dream of a person who has died a long time ago, then it suggests that a current situation or relationship in your life resembles the quality of that deceased person. The dream may depict how you need to let this situation or relationship die and end it.
To see and talk with your dead parents in your dreams, represent your fears of losing them or your way of coping with the loss. You are using your dream as a last opportunity to say your final good-byes to them.
To see your dead sibling, relative, or friend in your dream, indicates that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, your dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.

It is hard to find an interpretation based on something that only you can see...and touch...
Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates that you are feeling disconnected from life and society. Try to figure out what the ghosts wants or what it is looking for. The dream may also be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior.
To see the ghost of a living relative or friend in your dream, signifies that you are in danger of malice acts by that person.
To see the ghost of a dead friend/relative in your dream, suggests guilt and regrets concerning the past relationships with that particular person.