Motor City in my Mind

Vehicles on the streets represent the people in the world. And there's a lot of ugly cars. A lot of homogeneity. But at least once a day you see something that really turns your head.

In this epic post I am going to discuss what goes on in my mind while I'm driving around. My mind is truly in overdrive. Not only is it just what goes on in my mind, but this will be some hardcore car talk. Something I engage in often, if with the right people. As a warning, which is per usual, this subject encompasses a lot of related things that will seem like tangents, but they are actually all that I want to discuss. Also keep in mind that I may be leaving stuff out because it's hard to remember all that I think when I'm not actually driving. Make sure you click on the links too, so you know what I'm talking about.

Before I begin, look back on this post to refresh yourself on my views of Chargers. I will most likely [no, I must] talk about them more.

Alright, where to begin... Let's start with a simple fact: I look at every goddamn thing on the road. I've had a habit since I was a kid to read what types of cars are around me, to read their license plate, and to read any bumper stickers they have. In fact, I have a fond memory with my dad when I was beginning to learn how to read. I remember we started to walk my dog around our block and there was a Toyota truck parked on the street, my dad pointed to the word and helped me sound it out TOY-OT-A. For some reason that is the only vivid instance that I remember while I was beginning to read that comes to my mind often. When I see older Toyota trucks with the similar writing across the back I get taken directly back to that memory.

I simply love to read, and I will read almost anything put in front of me. I simply do not understand how you can not do so.

I took an early interests in vehicles because of my family. My dad loves cars, knows how to fix them, and likes to buy them. Since I was a child, we've have so many cars that I can't exactly keep track of them. We've had our shares of Cadillacs [which I wanted to myself so bad], a white Crown Victoria, an ugly purple Toyota van, some brown station wagon, a Ford minivan, several Blazers and Jimmys, Chevy vans, Volvos, and now a Honda and an Infiniti. I had engaged in a lot of car talk with my father and my brother, and later with whatever large group of guys I hung out with through out my life. I know a little something about cars, but not even close to half of what an expert or hardcore car lover knows.

Now, because of this experience I had the tendency to always determine what kind of car it was that I was looking at. I would read the names, observe the features and the aesthetics. Eventually a catalog was born in my head. I can at least name the make of nearly every car I see by only noticing one or a few features. There are certain cars that I have strong opinions for, whether they are good or bad, and some that I've just noticed a lot that I recognize their models. I'm not particularly good with the years unless they are Volvos which I have more of an intimate relationship with. I am also aware of where these cars are made and what merges exists between companies.

So, as you may assume, this mental vehicular catalog is constantly growing. And for what? It's something I've always done. It took me til recently to realize that other people don't do this, which I will talk about further.

Another thing I always do is read license plates. I do this for several reasons. One, because I think they're interesting. Two, it's also a way to identify people [for I generally know at least three characters of my friend's plates]. Three, I read everything. I was one of those people that has always wanted a customized plate, except I wasn't given the chance since my dad went ahead a got the plate on my first car, and I gave up after that. No, I don't know what I would get, but that would depend mostly on what car I have at the time. Since I do read everything, I also make connections with everything. So I make something out of the symbols imprinted on those metal plates. It's something to keep my mind turning while I'm driving.

Thirdly, I read every single bumper sticker that is in my field of vision. This is the thing I am most surprised by when I notice that other people aren't doing the same. I have always had a handful of stickers on my car, often some sort of provocative type that would gain some sort of noticeable reaction. As I said, I look at everything, thus I often see the faces of people behind me. Some of which are either reacting to my bumper stickers or not even reading them. How do you not do that?? Same when I'm with others and I'm noticing a sticker and no one else is looking at it. It actually does baffle me. It's right in front of you!

Now, I told you what my habits are, but I did not tell you my various opinions about the particular things that I observe.

I hate custom license plates that aren't creative enough, such as those with names and even more annoying when they are names of themselves and their spouse combined in some way. I like kinds that make you think and/or make you laugh. As I do with just about everything.

I hate really nice, sexy cars that have bumper stickers on them. Don't get me wrong, I'm very much a bumper sticker kind of person. But I love the aesthetics of really nice cars, the shapes, the color, the shine, so beautiful. And then they ruin it with some stupid football team sticker or political campaign. It frustrates me more when the sticker placement lacks symmetry. When it comes to older models, I don't care too much if it's plastered in stickers, but with my own cars I still try to attain symmetry in my expression. In fact I really love cars, or better VW buses, covered in stickers. Speaking of which, it has been a year now since I've had my Infiniti and over a year since I retired the Volvo. I'll have to get a picture of the stickers I have on my Infiniti.

Now, the cars themselves. There are a ton that I hate, and some that I like, and a small handful that I'm totally in love with. I will start by describing the general bunch that I hate. For now I am only speaking of the exteriors. For starters, I hate white cars with a passion, so any car in white will make me at least a little biased. I hate typical "old people" cars. I do not mean old models, classics, no. I mean kinds that you would think old people drive such as Crown Victoria, Ford Taurus, newer Chevy Impalas, Dodge Stratus, Dodge Neon, Dodge Intrepid, Buicks, Pontiacs, some Cadillacs and Chryslers, etc. I also hate most vans and a large deal of American models. Anything with rounded edges, excessive length, pointed noses. Just about every Ford car will suffice as an example. I also hate ridiculously and unnecessarily large trucks and SUVs. They may look nice, but all I can think is that rarely there are more than one or two passengers in them and that they are gas guzzlers. Hummers are the worst. And those things that just look like plastic, such as the Chevy Avalanche and the Honda Ridgeline. I hate typical ugly cars that the general public would agree on such as the Geo Metro. Dodge Avengers are half good [the back half, due to similarities with the Charger] and Dodge Calibers annoy me. I actually don't particularly like older Camaros and Firebirds [older as in 90's]. The 60's and 70's were better for both. I don't like PT Cruisers although I was intrigued by them at first. Chevy also has some models that look similar that are just tasteless such as the HHR and the SSR. Ugh. Alright, I'll stop with what I dislike before I get really carried away.

Now, what do I like, you wonder. I like things with angles, sharp edges, crisp clear endings and corners. I also am very fond of colors in pearl. With my angular obsession, I tend to like more boxy looking cars, which may have stemmed from my Volvo 740. Here's several examples of vehicles that make me happier than those other pieces of unappealing junk: 2006 Scion xB, Jeep Cherokees, Grand Cherokees, Wranglers, all the old boxy Volvos, Chevy Silverado, Toyota SUVs, Volkswagon Jetta [90's], Bugs, Beetles, and Buses, Toyota Tacoma, Nissan 350z, Nissan Frontier, Nissan Xterra, Chrysler 300, 80's Chevy Blazer and GMC Jimmy, Volkswagon Golf '90 and '00, almost all newer Mazdas including Miatas, Prius, Mitsubishi Eclipse, BMW M3, BMW Z4, and other BMWs.  Those are about enough to give you an idea. And I also actually like Smart Cars, and Mini Coopers are kind of growing on me.

Now, the cars that really get me heated. While some of those listed above may be included, I wanted to reserve this paragraph for the small few that drive me really crazy. Dodge Charger, Dodge Challenger, 2005 and up Ford Mustangs, Shelby GT500, and the new Camaros. It's definitely fascinating that despite my major distaste for American cars, they're now the ones that are making me drool everyday. Chargers, by far have the biggest impact on me. I've decided that I desperately want that car. Also notice I haven't discussed the more high end cars such as Ferarris, Bugattis, Lamborghinis, and so on. I'm just assuming that's a given.

Back to the Chargers. There's multiple aspects as to why these cars make me jizz my pants. When these cars [and the others I mentioned] drive by and particular friends are around, they always announce that I need to brace myself, or not wet the seats. I think it all started with the general shape. I'm satisfied with all the angles that exist on this car's body. More on that later. Second, the fact that cops drive these, whether undercover or not, adds a more appealing aspect to them. Thirdly, someone I know has one, so he gives it more a special status to me. And of course I get to caress it and ride in it. I have often had to completely control myself from molesting the various Chargers, Challengers, Mustangs, and Shelbys I've come across in parking lots. With all my damn being.

Look at this car. Honestly, I don't even think the photos do it justice because they don't affect me like seeing the cars usually does. I seriously lose my breath every time. I get a little tingle in places I'm not going to name. It affects me much like wine does, makes me want to jump bones. In the photo posted in the previous paragraph you can see the angles, see the general line that is maintained from front to back. Both ends are relatively at the same height, and that is a major aspect of it that I really like. And the nose has a point but without slanting downwards like most cars that I hate. In the photo there is a wing on the back, which I don't usually like and prefer the Chargers to be without them. Because the back part is another one of my favorite parts. The angle and the flatness. The 2011 Chargers also have some features giving it a little resemblance to the Challenger, which is super sexy as well. I also prefer them to have dark tinted windows, but usually I'm disappointed with who I see driving them. It either has to be a cop, my friend, or some man that fits the image in my mind. I also like the grill, which is something that I'm apparently quite particular about when it comes to cars. It really changes everything. These cars are also quite fast [but not fast enough for some], and I absolutely love the way they move. Some of it, I'm sure, still has to do with the cop aspect. But the way they look when they turn corners, when they pass me, it's all kind of dizzying. In a very good way. Another great thing is that the older models are also super sexy and sound fucking great. I must also say, that given I absolutely hate white cars, I can still enjoy the Chargers in white.

Now to personality, I don't like my car's exterior, I consider it an old lady car. My car does not fit my personality except it is a little fast. or at least faster than my Volvo [which I like]. More and more lately I wish I had something to suit my personality on the road. I'm going to end this post now, for the obsession has taken me three hours to write. Hope you enjoyed it and learned something. TO BE CONTINUED! More to come soon!