“Love is When the Other Person's Happiness is More Important Than Your Own.”

I am currently sitting in the biggest library in Phoenix. Actually, I'm not sure if it's the biggest, but it's damn huge and absolutely beautiful! I decided, after seeing the sky this morning that I wanted to come here and sit at the top floor and stare out at the city while I write my paper about the book He's Just Not That Into You. So far, it's going good and I am reminded again of the reality this book holds. I want to express this bold and clear, as I've always felt, I will never, ever tolerate cheating. I will hereby promise myself that I will never make myself suffer and continue a relationship in which my partner has cheated on me. Never.
I think my heart breaks a little bit every time I hear about such an occurrence, yet I'm grateful to not have such a thing happen to me. I can honestly say I don't have a whole lot of respect for people involved in such acts. I just never understood the logic. People cheat because they are unhappy. Well if you're unhappy, get out of the fucking relationship. Then do what you damn well please. Fuck. I think I want to cry. It boils down to the fact that I wish, I desire so much for people to be happy. Whether I agree or feel right about a situation or route towards a situation, the biggest and most important question I genuinely ask is, "Are you happy?" Happiness opens so many doors, happiness is my biggest goal in life, my ultimate quest. It is the one that has always remained firm in my mind and my heart for the majority of my life.

I don't know where all this is coming from, but my mind is blossoming.

In other mind ramblings, I have realized how much I restrain everything I say. As I get older, I hold more and more back. Part of it, I don't know why. Part of it, I do know why. As much as I don't like to admit it, I care more about what people think that I necessarily should. People that I care about, that is. I've always had this fear or hatred for being misinterpreted. Therefore, I hate saying things, or not saying enough, or too much that causes people to think one thing when I mean another. Well, let's get it out of the way, I'm fucking complicated. But that aside, I always, always feel that people are never on the same level as me. That they never truly understand me. And quite frankly, I've realized recently that most of it is my fault. I have realized that I can't let anyone in. I've always admired couples and their intense closeness and comfort and predictability with each other. It always boggles my mind because I have not quite experienced it. And it is because I won't let it.
And I always thought I was an open fucking book. I'm dead wrong. I have many levels to myself, and people, as they become more and more privileged go deeper into the levels of my being. No one has ever gone to my core, and I don't think it will ever happen. This whole realization does not bother me too much, but certain aspects of it does. Because, I do, have a desire to be known just as much as I have the desire to be concealed.
And it's not like I necessarily have secrets. It is just aspects of my personality, my thoughts, my opinions that I may keep to myself. Not really my actions or experiences or my past. Those things I am usually glad to discuss. But like I always say, you have to be privileged to hear them. I hate, more than anything not being listened to, so my words are usually very important to me and are not for everyone to hear. I hate letting my words go to waste, I don't know how many times I could say that. Therefore, you're special if I speak to you, to put it simple. And now I have to explain what I mean about that...I don't say that in arrogance but I'm implying that you mean something to me if I do. Not that you're special by all standards, but to me personally. And that is important to me. Everyone knows I hate small talk, even though I get paid to do it. I feel like I'm about to repeat previous posts, but one word, genuineness.

“Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality.” -Unknown. Interesting.

Jeeze, I'm done for now, but there is oh so much more where that came from.


That's what she said.