Happy birthday to lefty Jon Stewart.It's been a week after Sparky's death, and I'm doing fine. I'm not crying when I talk about it anymore, but I think I'm just distancing myself when I talk about it now, like I do with everything else. I can function, but I know I'm not as happy as I would be if he were present here and now. I still have some more of my journal entries to post, and a couple videos of him which apparently take forever to upload. I do plan, however to make some sort of collage/book of my pictures of Sparky and to make a painting in his honor. In fact, there was a dream I had over a year ago that involved a very cute puppy that resembled Sparky somewhat, but it could talk and had beautiful wings like those of humming birds. I have a desire to paint Sparky with wings, or possibly just floating in space, because that is what he is doing in my mind. I see the religious resemblance of heaven and angels with this, but that is not my intentions, although I do enjoy the symbolism. I personally, love wings, and had originally wanted to paint from that dream. I just feel like he has flown away from me, what is a better way to depart from someone? This is the first time I have discussed art ideas on here and what would be considered publicly. I do not like to do this, at all, but this is so personal that I actually don't have a problem doing so.
Ever since elementary school, I was kind of advanced in art compared to my peers and that's when children like to imitate a lot. So I liked to keep my art and my ideas private...ha, what's new?! Because I never wanted others to take my ideas and copy me or make some modification of an idea they got from me. Which I guess comes down to that I don't want to inspire others...? Heh, I just don't like not getting credit for things that I may have a part in, whatever it may be. But as I got older, I've remained the same and also don't like to ask for advice or hear unwanted advice about my art. If I discuss it, it's usually with a trusted friend and if I ask for help, that is the only time I want it. It is my art. I don't want it any other way. I hate feeling if my art is unoriginal. ...Man, I can't wait to do some painting. I also, very much revel in the act of surprise, if I am currently working on something, I prefer to keep my progress to myself and show people after it is completely done. Nothing satisfies me more than a genuine and strong response. To paraphrase what a friend once told me, bad or good art is significant because it creates a response either way. Provocation. I want to provoke people. I want you to feel something. Now that I'm spilling this information, as some of it is new to me as I write this, I feel my art should be more than it is. By that, I mean my technical skills. But, I'm always being a hardass on myself and my art. I think, I basically have a hard time accepting my style, when I so much respect and admire the art styles of so many others. But, I guess, in the end, it's a good thing because since I cannot replicate that style, I still come out as my own, original, form.
I woke up in a dreamy mood, opened my blinds and watched the clouds float by like smoke...I want to cry at the beauty. And moments, moments like this make me grateful for the sense of feeling. To feel, as much as I hate it at times, I wouldn't ever want that to be taken from me. How else would art evolve from us?
It simply would not.
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