There's No Love in Fear

Ok, now that I'm not exhausted and in that initial state of mind where fewer words are better. This is in regards to yesterday, and the Tool concert.

I was in an emotional warfare, too many conflicting emotions that just caused me to have great difficulty focusing on anything. And Tool was kind of the last thing on my mind. I was having some complications with a friend of mine, whom I was not about ready to give up on. We talked about a whole lot, which was extremely good and something I really needed. It's actually something I need a great deal of, and more frequently. I got this stupid glitch in me when it comes to people, I realize it more and more and it just continues to bother me, more and more. I thought I annoyed myself, but now I just want to punch myself in the face sometimes.

Anyways I was vulnerable to say the least. Part of why I posted Tool's "Schism" lyrics in the previous post, aside from the fact that I do that periodically  [usually on my now non-existent myspace] and it is something I've considered for a tattoo, it was probably the most touching song from last night.  "Schism" is always awesome, no lie, but last night I felt something different. My vulnerability from prior to the show caused the music and the lyrics to hit me in a new way. The music itself touched every hair on my body with every beat, but felt better this time around. The main appeal that "Schism" holds for me is the theme of communication. A topic in which I value greatly but do not participate in as well as I really should or would like to, hence a lot to do with the issues I was creating with my friend. I held her hand tightly in particular parts of the song as it was playing. [I'm actually teary eyed thinking of it now, as I'm listening to the live version of "Pushit" while I type this.] I squeezed her hand at the mention of communication and every hair and cell in my body was elevated, was super sensitive as were my emotions. I felt amazing and nearly cried because of it. I was thinking of my vulnerability and how it created a newer, but awesome, atmosphere and experience at Tool. I even jokingly thought that I should do this more often. But that very word 'vulnerable' triggers a quote that is engraved in my head. The song that I said I am listening to, the live version of "Pushit" features Maynard talking before playing the song, the song is on my playlist here on this blog but sadly without his speech. However, this is what he said:

We’ve been trying something a little different this tour. We’ve been looking at one of our songs from a different angle, under a different light, so we can hopefully kind of see it almost for the first time. We’d like try that for you tonight, is that okay?

We’re gonna need your help though. We’re gonna need your help and your permission, so we need you to find a comfortable space, that's not only comfortable, but vulnerable.

I want you to shut your eyes and go there, and we’ll meet you on the other side. 

*sighs* Amazing, the feelings.

Addition as of 2:18pm: Listening to "Schism" now, has so much more and newer meaning to it than as before. For the first time, the lyrics reallllllly dig deep. They've become more real to me. As song that I can really truly relate to.

I know the pieces fit