While I have broken out of my anti-sociability recently, I have not totally come out from under my rock. To be honest, I don't miss being out all the much. Mostly due to the money I spend when I do go out. Goes against the grain of saving, doesn't it? While I'm still putting away my designated amount, I still wish I could put away more.
It is definitely a budget I have to learn to get better at. There's always room for progress, right?
Going to Tucson with 3 of my girlfriends in October, definitely broke my streak, it was a fantastic vacation. Actually the best vacation I've had yet. But I did spend quite a bit of money. I've had to budget more careful since.
I don't know the main goal of this post, other than to mention that I'm getting out of my cave a bit more. Just got to let it flow.
Although, I am finally going to a gay bar this weekend [while being single]. I've been desperately wanting a girlfriend. Well, as I always do. I finally realized the difference of finding a girlfriend versus a boyfriend. Guys come into my life without my seeking it. It's always been that way, I've never been a person to say "God, I really want a boyfriend." I never try, so to speak, and I don't think it happens well when you do at least not when you think you absolutely need to have that. But, finding a girl, on the other hand, actually takes more effort because the crew I mostly hang out with is straight and as are the environments I hang out in. Yeah, there's plenty of gay individuals in some of my outings but none that are available necessarily. So this is the first relationship I actually have to go out and put myself out there. What a drag, huh? It goes against the fact that I just don't want to find girls at a bar, but sometimes that is my only way to get into the scene. So here goes something or nothing!
I've been wanting this for at least 10 years, it just needs to happen. Every time I'm single I try, but not hard enough. Dating sites are failing me. I've become more and more passionate about gay rights, it is something that hits my heart hard. I cry when I think about it. I want it, and I want it bad.
I came out to my mom when I was 14 or 15 years old. She didn't take it as well as I expected, but still well. My father didn't care, although I never told him directly, my mom did. I did tell him last year that I had a date with a girl, didn't phase him. One of my aunts and all my friends know. I never came out to my extended family because I didn't really feel it necessary unless I had a girlfriend to show for it. My grandparents, parents of my mom and aunt that do know, don't know. My mom took me out for dinner for my birthday last week and I discovered that my grandparents now do know, thanks to my mom again. And guess what, they don't care! It's awesome and I'm glad for that. Not that I'd expect it to be a big ordeal, it's just nice to have that out of the way. My mom now also has no reservations about it anymore, she's totally supportive. Which lead me to out myself in my new orientation. The former was bisexual, but now I consider myself pansexual. It feels more me. After explaining it and giving my mom an example, her reservations of that were erased and her support still reigns on. Pansexuality basically involves anyone, regardless of what parts they have or don't have, this can involve anyone from transgendered to those transitioning, all those gray areas. I don't feel right excluding anyone because for me it is all about the person. Personality is everything to me. It's not looks, it's not sexual organs, it is the individual. Until I have the experience, I may or may not change my "status" so to speak. But this works perfectly for me now.
Now I just need to find a way to spread all this love I hold.
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