Conversations Kill

In every relationship, no matter what type, there's always something that is unspoken. By this particular unspokenness I refer to that of a more negative fashion. Not the good things, but the bad. The ones that destroy.

You have it with friends. Family. Lovers.

Sometimes it's so minimal that it's quite easy to ignore. Sometimes it grows. Sometimes it's already far too big that eventually someone will break the silence. Combustion. For the better or the worse. Perhaps usually for the end.

I've been here so many times. It's almost to the point where I want to say, "Eh, I'm used to it." But that's not really it, nor good. I think, "I've been through this, let's just do it." And I have, and I do.

My second boyfriend, many years ago now, was planning to move out of town for school. The silence was broken when we decided to break up because long distance wasn't an option. The duration of the silence was hard, but it wasn't stretched so long. My last boyfriend wanted kids while I did not, that silence stretched, was eventually broken by myself, and then an even stronger silence permeated our relationship until we ended it. And here I find myself in at least two more of these circumstances. However this silence isn't nearly as ignored, rather it's being faced, but probably not in the best of ways. But it's happening, regardless. It is there. For one, I am not ready to broach it. For the other, I'm ready, and I'm taking it on even if one type of end is near.

The quote that sticks in my head is "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Perhaps this is closest to any formation of my life's motto I could ever come to. Yes...it is.



It's amazing what words can do. The power they hold. The way they can strike. The way they can move. The way they can heal. The way they can kill.

I do know, that I chose to have the people I want in my life. And for as long as I can keep them dear to me. I know who is worth it and who is not. I'm not letting go.

time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to take a ride
it leaves today no conversation
time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to wait too long
to wait too long
these conversations kill