Sage

I have so many thoughts circulating through my head lately. I can't even pick them out, and project them. Hence why there hasn't been many profound posts lately. While that is precisely not the case in my mind. Profoundness, sageness runs my life. Utterly and completely. Neverending.

There is also a lot of conflicting feelings permeating me. Ones which I choose not to write about at this time, perhaps for a long time if ever. A lot of instantaneous and simultaneous ups and downs.

I'm also feeling conflicting about my life, it's just the same: ups and downs. After having a conversation with my best friend, after she admitted some things about her current feelings, I realized I was just the same. For her to say it for herself was more so a surprise. However, she worded it in ways that made it clearer for me and my own feelings. We're in one of those midlife crisis as a twenty-something. I don't mean this necessarily to be comical or to ask for pity because people would think, "You're in your 20's, you can't have a mid-life crisis!" But the reality is anyone, at any age, can have a crisis and they shouldn't be judged for it.

We're not happy with where are lives are. Not happy that we're not where we wanted to be. But we do realize we have to be the ones to make the change.

It's hard.

I used to always tell people to just do it. Make the change. Whatever it may be. Those were my words of wisdom. As they always say, easy said than done. But saying it is still necessary. As a reminder.

I do need to make a change.

For now, my unconventional schedule is wearing me down. It conflicts with nearly everyone I know. My relationships with friends have been drifting, and that's one of the things that hurts my heart badly. It's happened so many times. I miss them. And digital communication does not bring us together enough, not even close. In fact I feel it aids the distance even more. I truly do. Furthermore, my schedule doesn't allow so much for new friendships.

I need to figure something out.


Well I see him everday
In that blanket that he calls home
I wonder does he know
That his family they're left alone
He says brother can you spare
Can you spare a dime
I'm down to my last dollar
And this life of mine
Said this life of mine
It gets rough at times


Now I wonder does he know
Does he even care
That his family, they're safe at home and they wonder where
As he wanders through his life, he's ever searchin' for
A warm blanket on warm fields and he wanders on
And he wonders is he safe from the cold
Safe out from the cold


Well I see he left the other day
Took his blanket that he called home
Did he go for good
Or did he pass away
Well I wonder does he know
See I'm down to my last dollar
And this life of mine
Said this life of mine, it gets rough at times


And now I wonder does he know
Does he even care
That my family is safe at home
And they wonder where
As I wander through my life
Ever searchin' for
My warm blanket on warm fields as I wander on
And I wonder
Will I always helped along


I said I, I'll never know
No, no
Because I
I'll never go and yes, I
I said I wonder why, yeah
Because I, I
Oh now
I'll never go home
I'll never come home
Never come home
Oh won't you let me come home
'Cause I wanna home
Oh, said, oh I got...
Oh
I'll never know
Yes, I, I'll never go
No, no
Yes, I, I said I wonder why
Yeah, because
Oh, oh no, I'll never come home
I'll never come
Never come home
Home...
I wanna come home
Won't you let me come home
'Cause I wanna come home
Let me come home...
"He Calls Home" by Candlebox.