Connections

I have come upon the harsh reality that I have never had a connection with someone I have had an intimate relationship with [intimate does not solely mean sexually]. Never have I. No wonder I never fucking talked. I have explained my irritation with the fact that as I get close to someone I start to cease in communicating with them. And I thought it was all me. But that isn't necessarily the case. I never connected with these people on a level that I actually wanted to talk...to express myself. I guess, deep inside, I already knew they weren't meant for me. Those are my mistakes, my cycle, which I have to learn from. Learn to not always let my human needs get and keep me in relationships that aren't really right for me. The more I think about it the deeper this thought hurts me...saddens me. Connections...never have I. Although sadness is generally considered a negative emotion, I don't feel that kind of sad. I feel, in a very deep mental state, very reflective, and in awe. I owe this realization to the special one. If it weren't for him and the invisible fingers that reach out to each other and caress and stimulate our minds and hold hands that connects the incredible force between us. Never have I felt this. The only reasons I have to not speak anymore is the complete provocation and intense mental processing that renders me speechless. All I can do is smile. Tears fill my eyes at the fact that someone like him exists in my life. Never have I encountered someone who makes me feel the way I do. He redefines the very term 'connection' for me. Because I only know what I know...I am blown away by the existence of such feelings, situations, words, thoughts...the very things that are making me grow and allow me to think and write so much and feel poetic. Never have I mentioned how much I love this poetic feeling. Thoughts of him make my heart race...finally someone worth my time and effort. Finally, someone good for me. Finally, someone to share equality with. Finally, someone who deserves the wonderful things I have to offer. Finally, someone to enhance my life, my mind. Finally, someone I deserve. Finally, someone to open up to. Finally, someone to share a life with...
Never have I....