Cold Winters

I really hate waking up early in this fucking freezing weather. I have been shivering uncontrollably for the past few weeks, it's ridiculous! Which just now makes me realize a dream I had this morning. I believe I was at work but, of course, it was kind of different. Anyways two of my coworkers were working with me and they knew about Sparky and I was fine after they said something to me but then only a few minutes later I came crawling back and bawling harder than I actually ever have. There was some sort of bed/cushion covered in blankets in which was supposed to be our back room. I curled into a ball on it, crying to myself while one of my coworker goes to get a bunch of things to aid me with. I can't remember what kind of things that would be but she was just going all out, and silently. I think she was bringing me food, drinks, I'm not sure. I did not have to say a word, but cry and they understood. I'm pretty sure this dream came about from yet another harsh realization that I'm living and sleeping without Sparky. It keeps coming to me in flashes. While laying in bed, sometimes my mind will wander and I'll remember precisely what it's like to have him in my arms or his warm body near me and to see his absolutely adorable face. Fuck, I miss him...my bed is the coldest and loneliest it has ever been in the last 13 years.
Today also marks the day my Grandpa died, I believe 7 years ago. Its no big deal, I just remember the numbers, the dates.
I also realized, that Sparky may be the reason I have such a fascination with how people sleep. I mean, people falling asleep in public has always been something that makes me laugh. I can't contain myself. But, I hate waking people up, I have so much respect for people in their sleep. I know part of it is because I love sleeping, but people are at utter peace...for the most part. Sparky could do nothing or everything and I still couldn't keep my hands to myself. I always had to love up on him and pet him, even if he was sleeping. I could just sit there and watch him sleep, he was always the cutest thing in the world to me. For the longest time I always felt like he was new to me because of how much I still loved him. Alright....I need to stop writing this now.