Sparky and Death and Dying

Here is a blog that I made on when I had a myspace, dated March 5, 2008. Damn, didn't know it was that long ago. This might give some more insight to my previous entry.

I've put this blog off for some time because I didn't have the time to put, um, time into it. I like to write things and edit and reedit them and make sure I didn't leave anything out. But I finally have time!

Sparky, my dog since I was about 7 years old has been my bestest friend ever imagined. He is literally the world to me, he is the best companion I've had close to me at home at all times. Needless to say that he is incredibly beneficial to my lack of hearing. He's nearly a hearing ear dog for me. I watch his movements constantly just so he can tell me what's going on in other parts of the house. I could seriously write an entire book of the good Sparky is to me, but I'm gonna leave it at the fact that he is very important to me.

Since I was born, there was always a dog around by my side. My dog at birth, Cedric, got put down when I was 6 or 7 years old and that was really hard for me, especially at that age. I still to this day, remember vividly the day he was put down. So then my parents took my brother and I to pick out a dog for each of us. Bryce, my brother picked out Sparky, and I picked out a beautiful dog that I named Shelley who we later had to return back to the humane society. So we kept Sparky and him and I have very tight bonds.

Anyways, since my loss of Cedric, I've always worried about Sparky and death. I would talk to my parents and we would figure out how long he could probably live considering his body type and size and what not. We thought till I was in college. Guess what? I'm in college!

I can instantly cry thinking of the possibility of Sparky dying or getting incredibly sick. If I lost him, I lost everything. I lost the best thing to get me through my day. I lost my extra pair of ears. I lost the kisses when I cried. I lost the warmth in the cold seasons. I lost the only thing that slept with me every night. I lost the constant affection. I lost the only thing I missed most when away from home. I lost my best friend that was always there.

So knowing where I'm coming from I hope that I will have the people to get me through possibly the worst time that I will ever encounter in the near future. I may isolate myself completely or the opposite and avoid home and my bedroom, which is Sparky's room as well, all together. I can't really imagine how I'll feel, I try not to think about it too much. So when it happens, it will be the only time I'll ask for help, for comfort in the process. It will be greatly appreciated.

On the topic of death, almost everyday I think about what would happen if I died. And how will the people that matter to me feel when they never got the chance to say goodbye or hear how much they meant to me. Therefore, I've decided to make a death journal, and constantly write down how I feel about the people in my life, the things I want them to know but never got to express, good or even bad. I haven't put complete thought into this, but I'll eventually set up something so that whenever I do die, that the journal can be accessed and people will be able to read it. And who knows, maybe in the process of getting out and realizing all my deepest feelings, I may just start telling people anyways.

So I think that's all I needed to say for now.