R

I feel like ranting, writing, if you will. As much as I wish I had an audience here, I'm very glad I don't. There are some people that really shouldn't read what I write here. But that is exactly why I created this. To be able to freely write what's on my mind without a care as to who it will bother or involve. I've come to conclusion, or keep intensifying the conclusion that I'm very fucking happy I'm not in my previous relationship anymore. I realize this more and more each day, it's...strange. I've never felt so liberated...Guess it's more intense because that was my longest relationship. 16 months. I talk about it only as a learning process, I don't regret it, but I surely am annoyed with the lack of control I have with myself in a relationship. I especially don't regret it because of where it has lead me to now. I'm enjoying where I am now, maybe a few minor changes I'd like to be made, but regardless experience always builds to something and it's sure worth it. So this lack of control I have...I hate how, especially since I've been in college, I've constantly been in a relationship and when I'm in a relationship I can't stop thinking about that person. It distracts me, easily, from my studies and just my priorities. I get all out of whack and I honestly don't know how the fuck to control that. I was looking forward to this spring semester being single and all, to finally focus for once and I get myself into another "distraction" heh, as fucking good this distraction is, it's still unhealthy for me to be this way. This plays as one of the few reasons I don't want to be in a relationship currently. I have a problem. And I need to find some sort of balance. How hard it is to do the things you have to do when there are other things you very so much rather be doing. Fuck, all I feel like doing is hanging out with this particular person. I've never been in the company of such a person like this, it's refreshing as hell in a very different way. My mind is just boggling everyday. It's all so very different for me and that's the best way I can describe it.
I hate being a college student not allowed to have a life.