My Views

So these may not be concrete due to the fact that I've revised some as of recently. So maybe sometime next year I'll have another to add or subtract. I like to write my thoughts down for sake of clarity and self knowledge. Words are sacred and I don't talk to many people in depth but when I do it is the most enlightening thing. I learn more about myself and get a better perspective just when I hear myself expressing myself to someone else. I find so called trivial things and knowledge very worthy. Just to know things, but not in a competitive way. Sometimes when I'm learning something very interesting and very rapidly I get overly excited and I can't contain the knowledge very well so I forget. But in that moment of learning I'm happy.

I don't want children.
I don't want to get married. If I ever do, I'll have to be with a person for at least 5 years before that happens.
I want to experience a real relationship with a woman. Many times I've wanted the company of certain girls but they never took me seriously or weren't interested in women, so I never had that experience. And without that experience I cannot claim that I like men better when that really could not be true.
I feel like I will never be happy in a relationship again. I'm overly imaginative and a fantasist. This may sound funny, but it relates to many other things for me [especially films], but when reading the Twilight series I was in another world. I wanted nothing to do with reality. I have this idealized, maybe, view of love. I take it so seriously, hence I haven't been in love. I've just found a pattern, that everyone has, in my relationships. I always put more effort, more of myself into my partner. There has never been equality for me. And fuck, does that suck. Which leads me to my next topic...
Soul mates. I used to believe in it, but now with my cultural studies I've realized something. Everyone thinks there's that perfect someone for them, but they assume all those cultural ideals of attractiveness are included. So your soul mate could exist, but not in the physical form you wish for. I mean if we didn't have these cultural ideas on what a person should look like to be sexy or beautiful you may just find your mate faster. You could of turned him down yesterday because he was a different color or too short or not skinny enough or not muscular enough. I mean, they could be anywhere! Affiliated with a completely different culture and/or religion but maybe, just maybe their personality, morals, and ideas on love could perfect complement yours. So for now, I'm sticking with the fact that they don't exist, at least not in the sense that people make them out to be.

People have a weakness over me. So I've always thought I was better alone.
"...and leaves me so, desperate and ravenous, so weak and powerless over you"

Eh, I think that's all to my rant right now